I absolutely cannot fathom why a person would choose telling a lie over telling the truth.
My reasons for feeling that way probably aren’t the same reasons that you were force fed as a kid though.
You know what I am talking about…those reasons your parents and other “authority” figures told you.
For example:
“Always tell the truth.” (They never told me a reason why.)
“If you don’t tell me the truth, you’re getting a spanking.” (Just remember, scare tactics are what tyrants and people with self esteem problems use. Coincidence? You can decide.)
“You have until the count of the three to tell me the truth.” (Hey, that just gives your kid three extra seconds to think about/perfect the lie they are about to tell you.)
“If you don’t tell me the truth you’re going to hell.” (You probably didn’t hear this one as much as I did. It’s disturbing for me to even utter mere words about private school.)
I am sure you can think of a few quotes on your own.
People really are quite dumb. I never had a problem telling the truth, in fact, the truth can be lots of fun. It can also suck, however, if you are on the receiving end of the truth but, hey, it sucks to suck.
If someone is annoying the shit out of you at work, wouldn’t it be more fun to look at him and say, “Hey, asshole, if you don’t stop annoying the goddamn shit out of me I am going to be forced to cut your tiny dick off.” See? Isn’t that way more fun than just ignoring him or “trying to be nice”?
If you are standing face to face with an evil troll-ish looking bitch who is attempting to ruin your life you should tell the truth. Tell that bitch to go back to the troll hole where she came from. It, also, might not hurt to throw in, “Oh, and you’re so ugly you look like you were birthed from an asshole.”
On a side note – When you are having a bad day or are being a little harsh on yourself, just think: Some where out there, there is a person who is so unattractive the author of this blog thinks they came out of an asshole instead of a vagina. That’s should make you feel better. If it doesn’t, it sucks to suck.
When you tell the truth you can get so many different reactions. When you lie, the only reaction you get from someone is either 1. Anger or 2. They believe your petty bullshit and walk away.
However, don’t confuse the love of truth with the art of lying. The art of lying can be useful. I am not saying you should strive to be a liar but there are some instances when being a damn good liar is useful and awesome.
You can’t plan a surprise birthday party for a friend/sister/brother/kid/spouse/parent if you aren’t capable of lying for shit.
If you can’t lie and make people believe you, pranks just aren’t funny anymore. It’s always good to have a poker face.
Besides the fact that the truth is undeniably more fun, an even bigger point I am trying to make here is this: I only use my powers for good, not evil.*
I’ll admit, my shit list is really short but some of the mother fuckers on there are really close to forcing me to use my powers for pure, concentrated, diabolical evil.
*Ok, I may occasionally use my powers for evil** but it’s only when it’s for the good of the masses. Sometimes, the truth hurts and you have to put your shit kickers on and kick some shit.
**Sometimes things appear as super evil but underneath it’s really the best thing that could happen. Just step back, look at the big picture and trust me.
Sincerely,
The Goat. The beautiful, fabulous, wonderful, funny Goat. So fuck all of you, you brainless little sheep.
